The Apple Pie Thesis
by Kiki-Jo
Summary: Leonard and Penny? Is Leonard's punishment far worse than the crime committed? Rating for possible future chapters, and I'm paranoid. The summary sucks, it's better than it sounds. Going to start rewriting this. Might take a little while because it needs a LOT of reworking. But TAPT will be back!
1. The Early Morning Experiment

**The Apple Pie Thesis.**

Okay, this is my first fanfic. So please don't be judging me too harshly, pretty please? :)

Also, the rating is just to be on the safe side

Disclaimer: I do not own the Big Bang Theory or any of the characters involved in this story. If I did, I'd be rich.

**Chapter One –****The Early Morning Experiment.**

LPOV

_Sunday, the one day I get to relax at home, without Sheldon trying to get me to take him somewhere. He should really get a car, but knowing him, he'd try to __'fix' something, and end up breaking it. _I chuckled to myself. I knew I should probably try to find something productive to do, but I'd been working all week, and then yesterday, Sheldon wanted to be taken to the store because he said he needed some new bed sheets.

After about an hour of wandering around the apartment, and looking at my board for a brief moment, before disregarding any work, I ended up laid across my bed, and decided to spend my lazy day thinking. Inevitably, I did end up thinking about Penny. _Ah, Penny.._ I sighed, _You haven't changed a bit. Not since that first day I saw you, with your long blonde hair falling around your shoulders, and your cute smile._

-knock knock- I looked up, confused.

"Coming," I said, and went to open the door. There she was, with a huge grin on her face.

"Hey Penny, um, what's up?" I asked, knowing full well that the only reason she would come round on a Sunday was if something was wrong. Usually she wasn't even up at 11am, she was normally with her latest boyfriend, or sleeping off a hangover. Yet here she was, 11.02am, standing at my door.

"Nothing's up." Penny smiled, "I just thought that we could hang out, I haven't seen you guys much this week, except for a few nights when I came over for Chinese and pizza."

"Oh," I said, most probably still looking pretty confused, "Well, Sheldon's out, he went with Howard to go see Raj before we go paintballing, I think he wanted them to team up against me, because I forgot to get his special soy sauce or something" I laughed, then realised Penny looked disheartened, "But, that doesn't mean we can't hang out, if you want" I added, just hoping to see her smile again.

"Yeah!" Penny exclaimed, with a sparkle in her eye, which worried me, while still leaving me confused. Boy I was not good at understanding girls. Oh well, here goes nothing. I took a deep breath, and looked her in those sparkling eyes of hers, "Penny? What, exactly, do you have planned for today?" I asked, tentatively.

"Shopping!!" she squealed, then grabbed my hand, dragging me out of my apartment and down the stairs. I barely had enough time to grab my keys before the door slammed shut behind me.

Downstairs, sat in Penny's car, I was left sat in the passenger seat while she ran back upstairs for her bag. I know, I could have ran out of the car, and locked myself back in my apartment, or ran to Raj's for safety. But honestly, I was pretty intrigued. I mean, why would Penny want to take me shopping? And what exactly does 'shopping' with Penny entail? These were things I could only get answers to by going with her. So I bottled up any pride I had left, and stayed sat in the car, I even locked the door, just so there was no way I would get out. A few minutes later, there she was, that beautiful neighbour of mine, skipping out of the building with a big smile across her face. She practically jumped into the car, and started the engine.

PPOV

Woah, I'm actually in a state of shock. It's a Sunday morning, and I woke up at 9am, without an alarm! I guess that's what you get when rather than go out drinking and flirting with cute guys, you go to your best friends and play Halo 3. Huh. Can I even call them my best friends? I mean, to me, they are, but I don't know how highly they regard me. Even though, before I found out how awkward Sheldon was with social interactions, I totally would have pinned him for nervous around me because he liked me, and I tell you, that, would have been pretty creepy.

Now I have the problem of what to do with my day. My normal friends wouldn't be awake at this time, nowhere near. So, who would be? _Leonard!_

I jumped in the shower, and thought about what we could do today. I'm not really a paintball girl, or some kind of, smart thing. He'd probably wear that brown corduroy suit anyway, he really needs a new suit. Actually, he needs a whole new wardrobe, something to replace that paisley shirt, and the tie that he thinks will suffice, even though he spends most of his time having to wear suits for something or other to do with science stuff.

Oh my god, I know what we could do! I rushed my shower, and threw on my cute denim shorts and a pretty purple shirt. I practically ran out of the door, grabbing only my car keys. –knock knock-

"Coming," I heard from inside. See, I knew Leonard would be up. A few seconds later he was at the door.

"Hey Penny, um, what's up?" he asked, and I knew he was as shocked as me, because I've never been round on a Sunday unless something was wrong.

"Nothing's up." I smiled, "I just thought that we could hang out, I haven't seen you guys much this week, except for a few nights when I came over for Chinese and pizza."

"Oh," he said, looking pretty confused, "Well, Sheldon's out, he went with Howard to go see Raj before we go paintballing, I think he wanted them to team up against me, because I forgot to get his special soy sauce or something" he laughed, but I put on my saddest face with the puppy dog eyes, because if he was going to use them as an excuse to get out of hanging out with me, I'd at least make him feel a little bad about it, "But, that doesn't mean we can't hang out, if you want" he added.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed, which must have worried him. He took a deep breath, and looked me in the eyes, "Penny? What, exactly, do you have planned for today?" he asked, tentatively.

"Shopping!!" I squealed, then grabbed his hand, dragging him out of his apartment and down the stairs.

I led him down to my car, and told him to sit, and stay there while I ran back up for my bag. He looked at me and nodded, with a slight smile on his face, and I turned and ran back into the building, up all the flights of stairs, grabbed my bag and a jacket and ran back downstairs to find that he'd locked his car door. I giggled, because I knew that it would have been to stop him from leaving. I got into the car and smiled at him, excited about the day we would have.


	2. The Problem With Teleportation

**The Apple Pie Thesis.**

Okay, this is my first fanfic. So please don't be judging me too harshly, pretty please? :)

Also, the rating is just to be on the safe side

And a huge thanks to my first two reviewers, Passbe and Keaneplay, it means a lot that people would actually read my story :)

And I know my chapters are kinda short, but I'm trying to keep updated as much as I can, because even if the chapters are short, there will probably be a new one every few days. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Big Bang Theory or any of the characters involved in this story. If I did, I'd be rich.

**Chapter Two – The Problem with Teleportation.**

SPOV

"No, no no. There's no way we could do that to him." I said, and I was sure they wouldn't be able to argue back. I was, however wrong. Strange.

"Why not? It might do him good." Said Raj, still laughing at Howards suggestion.

"No way, absolutely not. It would be pure evil to convince beautiful girls to attack Leonard in paintball, especially if he has been led to believe that they are on his side. It's just inhuman."

As soon as I said that, Howard did his little disappointed sigh, and I knew that I had won the argument.

"Anyway," Raj chimed in, "How would we ever convince ten girls to play paintball with us, we only know three girls. And one's Howard's mother." He laughed, and Howard looked over at Raj, seemingly annoyed, "Excuse me, my mom has great aim." He said defensively.

"Yeah, whatever dude." Raj laughed.

I honestly didn't know why I hung out with these two sometimes. I mean, Howard, he's alright I suppose, but he lives with his mother, who I swear, hates everybody, and he is a bit creepy, according to Penny. But I don't mind, I know I'm smarter than him, so that's all that counts. And Raj, he's pretty cool, but it does get annoying when we hang out with Penny and he just sits quiet, occasionally running from the room from being too nervous. Alas, Leonard likes them, and it means we can have four player games on Halo 3, so I don't mind. Which reminds me, It's Halo night soon!

HPOV

Honestly, I didn't see the problem with my plan. I mean, paintball, and ten gorgeous women, what could go wrong? All that's missing from that plan is tacos. But of course, Sheldon doesn't approve, and Raj points out all the flaws, which I still don't see, and laughs about my mom, as usual.

"Well, how about, we go hide, and then when Leonard comes and finds us BAM! We pop out and shoot him." I suggested.

Sheldon stayed quiet for a minute, with that weird look on his face, "Hmm…. That could work. It doesn't involve having to befriend others to bring into the scheme, and he wouldn't ever expect it from us."

Raj nodded, "Yes, it does sound like a pretty good idea Howard… Hey, how about we…." And then Sheldon cut him off, "We could suddenly appear, and shoot him with the paintball guns, but you see, the problem with teleportation………"

***MEANWHILE***

LPOV

_Uh-oh, I don't like the look of this_ I thought, as we pulled up outside the mall. I knew that Penny just wanted to be nice, and find something 'productive' to do with her day, but is renewing my wardrobe really the solution to her boredom? I turned and looked at her as she parked, and she grinned at me. Evidently, it was the perfect solution. Now, I just had to endure hours of Penny trying o make me look 'cool' and 'hip'.

After Penny parked up, we both got out the car, and she grabbed my hand and started skipping towards to mall. I thought I could hear my heart beating in my ears, the blood was rushing round so fast. And that was just from her innocently holding my hand. I knew there was nothing behind it. There never is. I sighed, then realised she'd heard me.

"You okay sweetie?" she asked, her face falling. She probably thought I was going to try to back out of this shopping trip.

"Nothing, I just, it was my breathing. I don't normally skip places, or, run, or move excessively fast. I mean, I do sometimes, but, well not…" I mumbled, before she cut me off.

"Hey, it's okay," she smiled, "As long as you're still up for today!" she grinned. I couldn't get the words out, her smile had just dazzled me, so I just smiled in response. She must have thought I was incapable of forming words. Great. Now I'm subjected to shopping with Penny, in popular stores, and, she thinks I'm an idiot. This, is going to be awkward.

Soon, we were walking into the first store in the mall. Honestly, I was trying not to look. I figured, if I didn't look, then I wouldn't get nervous, and try to leave. If I don't know the store, I can't complain. I could always, look at the floor, and pretend it's some weird comic book convention. We'd have to be in the costume section of course, but, never mind.

So anyway, we walked into this store, and as soon as we're inside, Penny starts piling clothes up in my arms. "Here, try this on, and this, this, this.. Oh, and this, this is adorable!" she exclaimed, obviously happier about this whole experience than I was.

I ended up walking into the changing rooms with at least thirty items of clothing, no word of a lie. I don't know how I managed to carry it all, but oh well.

A few minutes later, I was stood looking at myself in the mirror. I was actually surprised, Penny was right, these pants did look awesome. But the shirt… I'd rather have had my paisley one, but beggars can't be choosers. As long as Penny's happy.

"Hey, come out, come show me what it looks like!" Penny said from outside the changing rooms.

"Uh… I don't want to. I, don't like this shirt. It's weird." I confessed.

"Yeah, well it's better than that paisley thing. Wait, did you even throw that away?" she asked. Boy was she going to be mad.

"Umm…" was the only answer I could find. So, to stop her from bring up my shirt, which was, by the way, safely hung up in my wardrobe, I walked out of the changing rooms nervously.

At least she was happy. She had a huge grin on her face, which told me that she was obviously glad she's decided to bring me out today.

"Eeeee!" she squealed, "That's amazing! Now, go back in and try the next outfit on sweetie."

Four exhausting hours later, we managed to carry all the bags to the car, and went to a Taco Bell for dinner. After Penny ordered for us, we sat down, and she decided that after her having her fun, I could talk about whatever I wanted.

"Well, uh…" I said, trying to think of something to say, "The comic book store has a whole bunch of new comics coming in next week. Sheldon wants to go, and hey, I'm not complaining." I started, but I could see that Penny had heard the exact same tale last week when she came round to hang out on Halo night. I decided to change tack, "So, um… The trouble with teleportation……….."


	3. It's Going To Be A Long Day

**The Apple Pie Thesis.**

Thanks to everyone who reviewed my story, it's awesome that people would actually read it :)

I know my chapters are kinda short, but I'm trying to keep updated as much as I can, however, I haven't updated recently because I've been so busy with starting college, been given sooo much work to do :(

Here it is though, chapter three!!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Big Bang Theory or any of the characters involved in this story. I wish I did though.

**Chapter Three – It's Going To Be A Long Day****…**

PPOV

_Here he goes…_ I sighed. You'd think, after hanging out with Sheldon for so long, I would be used to stuff like this. But it was just weird for Leonard to start something like that. Really, Sheldon's the only one who has ever tried explaining to me the 'problem with teleportation', but now, Leonard… You wouldn't think something like that would come out of his mouth, but hey, he's not exactly normal.

"See, it wouldn't teleport you as such, it would technically destroy you, before reassembling you in a different place," he explained. I just nodded, I knew there was no point trying to understand what he was saying, it wouldn't make a difference. "So rather than just appearing in this new place, you would essentially be a new person altogether. And you wouldn't have any improvements." I looked up at him when he said this, with a puzzled look on my face, "What I mean, is if you were teleported, then you would be a new Penny, but with all the flaws you had before." To which I raised my eyebrow, insulted, "No, I mean, you would still have all your perfections. But you wouldn't, say, be able to fly or something. You would be no Superman."

"Leonard," I laughed, "It's fine, I know what you mean." I smiled. He scanned my face, trying to decipher whether I was telling the truth, and honestly, I did understand what he meant. Wow. I understood the problems with teleportation. I was going to have tell Sheldon about this. Then I realised Leonard had started talking again, so I stopped thinking to myself, and started paying attention.

"… Going paintballing tomorrow, but I have the feeling Sheldon will be childish. See, I forgot his soy sauce, I think I told you earlier, and so he's gone to Raj's with Howard, and knowing him, he's going to try and do something silly again. He might try to blow up my head, like he did when we argued about that presentation." I laughed, because I remembered how Sheldon had ignored Leonard except for trying to blow his head up like from some old film. And how they had started fighting at the end of the presentation, and of course, Howard taking a picture of me, saying I was his girlfriend. I shuddered at the memory of being known as his girlfriend.

As soon as I started listening again, I regretted it.

"So, you should come to the comic book store this week, it's going to be so cool. They're going to have a whole new delivery of comics!" Leonard said, with obvious excitement in his voice. I rolled my eyes, and smiled, then sat back in my chair. _It's going to be a long day…_

LPOV

She was bored, I could tell… But she wasn't talking, I gave her plenty of chances earlier, and she didn't have anything to say, so I have to be the one to do the talking. I figured she wouldn't be interested in teleportation much, so I didn't talk about it too much. But I thought comics were neutral ground.

About twenty minutes later, we were back in her car on the way back home. There was a silence, which was actually pretty comfortable. You'd think being in such an enclosed space with a girl you love, any silences would be awkward, but it seemed we were both happy just sitting quiet.

I spent the time in the car trying to look at Penny as discreetly as possible. I thought that if she didn't see me, it would be alright, and I wouldn't get embarrassed. Just as I was watching her hair blowing back slightly from the small breeze that was coming in through her half-opened window, she turned round. _Uh-oh, I've been caught…_ I thought, _this is going to be embarrassing. _But surprisingly, she just smiled at me, and a faint pink blush appeared on her cheek. When I looked out the passenger window, I caught sight of myself in the mirror, and realised I was blushing too, but not a faint pink like Penny, mine was more, bright red. Oh god…

PPOV

_Uh-oh.. _I thought, _He saw me looking!! _ I felt my cheeks burning, and knew I must have turned a 'gorgeous' shade of beetroot. See, usually, I'm good at getting quick glances at Leonard, and he never notices. But this time, no, he just has to look at me when I think I can look at him.

This day was going perfectly until then, but no, I have to go and embarrass myself like that. Typical Penny.

Just as I finished mentally kicking myself, we pulled up outside the apartment block. I parked the car, and we started making our way up the stairs to our floor.

As we stood outside my door, I started fumbling in my bag for my keys, and when I looked up, he was there. Right in my face.

"So, uh, thanks for today Penny. It was... Awesome." He mumbled. I was still in shock, so I just nodded.

It was strange, yet, normal. Him being so close to me, I could feel his breath on my cheek, but I didn't want to move.

***MEANWHILE***

SPOV

Honestly. This is the second time today I have had to question my reasoning for being friends with these two. How do they not understand the importance of me having my soy sauce?

And all Howard cares about is his silly plan of getting beautiful women to play paintball, I can see it in his eyes. I don't know why he insists upon it, the only tolerable female we know is Penny, and she wouldn't play paintball with us. It was difficult enough to get her to play Halo. And that was disastrous!

HPOV

"Wait, what's Leonard doing today?" I asked. It wasn't like Leonard to not come to talk about paintball, he loves it as much as we all did.

"You mean it hasn't yet occurred to you, Howard, that he isn't here because we are supposed to be planning our revenge?" Sheldon said, with an annoyed look on his face.

"But, what are we supposed to be getting revenge for..?" Raj asked, still not quite understanding why exactly we had to get our own back on him, and he wasn't on his own, we were supposed to be getting the other team, not our own.

"What are w… Are you being serious?" Sheldon said, looking slightly bored, as he always did when he understood something and we didn't, he seemed to hate explaining it to us. "He forgot my sauce! The only soy sauce I like. He knows that's the only one I'll have, and he forgot it. He needs to learn not to forget things."

I looked over at Raj, and we both rolled our eyes. We knew we would have to put up with at least an hour of Sheldon complaining about the lack of soy sauce. I could tell this was going to be a long day.


	4. The Big One, Kurt

**The Apple Pie Thesis**

Hey! I'm sorry this has taken** forever** to get updated – I couldn't think of where to go with this... I think there are only going to be another couple of chapters after this too. I'll try to update as soon as I can, but I'm sorry if it takes a while. I seem to have no inspiration for this, but I'll try, until the end. Thanks to anybody reading this, if you're still there. I'll go and hang my head in shame now, because I'm so bad for not doing this story, and then only doing little updates. I **promise** that the next chapter will be better.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada. Zilch. Diddley squat. Not a thing.

**Chapter 4 – The Big One – Kurt.**

Penny walked into her apartment, smiled, and I was left alone in the hallway. As I walked toward the door to my apartment I heard a whirring, and saw the camera moving, the one Howard and Raj gad put up when Penny and I had started dating. I glared at the lens and opened the door. Howard watched me, like a deer caught in the headlights, as Raj slammed the laptop closed. Sheldon straightened up behind them.

"Guys?" I asked cautiously, "What are you doing?"  
"Leonard." Sheldon nodded in my direction.  
"We were, watching Star Trek?" Howard said, though he made it sound like more of a question than a statement. I knew they were up to something, but if they weren't going to tell me then I wasn't going to press for details. I got a drink and saw that Raj was staring at me.  
"What?" he shook his head and looked away.  
"So, Friday night, vintage game night. What we got?" I asked. Howard and Raj shared a look, before looking up to Sheldon.  
"We don't _got_." Sheldon told me, making quotation marks with his hands when he said 'got' "We were going to go paintballing." He continued.  
"But tonight's vintage game night, we can't go paintballing. We only ever go paintballing on Sundays."  
"Well we want to go paintballing. Are you in, or are you out?" he asked, as I nodded.  
"I'm in. You know I won't say no to paintballing. Though if you think we're not going on Sunday you're crazier than I already thought you were." I said, watching him pick up his paintball gun. Sheldon seemed to ponder for a moment, before nodding towards me and telling me that it was a deal.

We all headed out the door, with Sheldon at the front, when he stopped in his tracks, creating a domino effect with the three of us behind him, all falling forwards, walking into the one in front. I looked up at him with a quizzical look, but all he could do was point forwards.

I looked ahead and saw Penny's ex stood at her door. The big one – Kurt. I knew that Sheldon was still a little scared of him, after the time we went to go and get Penny's tv, and returned without our pants. That explained why he had stopped so suddenly, but it still didn't answer why he was there.

We all stood there, before we heard a small whisper from Raj. Howard leant forward and relayed the whisper to me, "We still have the camera up. Wanna be, indiscreet?" he asked. I nodded and walked backwards, pulling Sheldon with me.

"What on earth are you doing?" Sheldon asked as soon as we were inside the apartment with the door firmly shut.

"Seeing what Kurt wants." Raj replied simply.

"Well then why don't we just go out there and ask him?" He said. That's the problem with Sheldon – he doesn't seem to understand anything about social interactions and the like.

"Sheldon, we can't go and ask him." He looked at me, even more confused, "There's no way he would tell any of us. The only way we can find out, is with the camera that these guys have installed." I told him, gesturing my thumb in the direction of Howard and Raj, who waved and smiled. He thought again for a moment, using his 'invisible whiteboard', then nodded to me. Raj set up the laptop and opened up the programme that was linked to the webcam.

Just as the image flickered onto the screen, Penny opened her door.

"Kurt!" She exclaimed, shocked – evidently it wasn't a planned visit. He smiled at her, that crooked smile that makes most girls weak at the knees, but according to Sheldon's running commentary of body language, it didn't seem to affect Penny.

"Hey Penny," He said, still smiling that stupid grin. "Are you... busy?" He asked her, glancing behind her into the apartment.

"Uh, actually, I am." She replied, looking at the floor for a moment, before looking back up at him. "I'm about to take a shower."

"Well, can I join you?" He grinned, waggling his eyebrows. Penny looked disgusted for a minute, then her face went hard as stone.

"Kurt. You broke up with me. I've moved on. So no, you can't join me in the shower." She told him, before turning around as she slammed the door in his face.

Kurt stood staring at the door for a minute, his mouth hanging open, before he turned around, muttering to himself.

"But, nobody ever says no. Kurt never gets rejected!" He ranted as he headed down the stairs.

Raj shut down the laptop as we headed back to the door. Sheldon was stood behind me this time, as I had been in a rush to get outside to make sure that there were no signs of Kurt returning. Penny seemed to have the same idea as me, opening her door slightly to look outside. She opened it fully once she saw that the room was empty, with the exception of us, of course.

"Is he gone?" She asked us, still glancing towards the stairway frequently.

"Yeah, he seems to have left the building." I told her. "So uh, what did he want?"

"You mean, you don't know? I thought Howard and Raj had put up a camera out here?" She asked, pointing towards the not-so-discreet camera.

"Oh... Yeah... Well, we did, but what I meant to say is, why did he want that?" I started, but the look on Penny's face helped me realise my mistake, "What I mean, is- I don't mean that I wouldn't want to- I mean I'm not saying I'm going to- I mean... I thought he was over you." I said, stuttering every so often throughout the sentence. I blushed and looked to my feet, but I knew they could see the shade of red my face had turned. Penny giggled a little at me, before she replied.

"So did I, he probably is. He'll just want something from me. Like one time, he did this exact same thing, because he couldn't afford his rent that month." She rolled her eyes, "But hey, I said no. It's cool, Leonard." She smiled at me, before looking back to my friends stood behind me, "Weren't you going somewhere?" I nodded, as I glanced sideways, seeing Howard in my peripherals trying to hurry me up. "Then get to it!" She playfully slapped my arm before grinning it me.

"Um, okay Penny, see you later, I guess." I said, with a small half-wave, as she said bye again. The four of us headed towards to stairwell, and when Penny's door closed I turned to Sheldon, "That was, weird?"

"Oh good, I wasn't sure." He said. I smiled at how oblivious he was to others social interactions, and headed down the stairs.


	5. Today, Is About Revenge

**The Apple Pie Thesis**

Hey! I'm back, again. :) I am trying to get into the swing of updating my stories more regularly, but I might not be the most reliable of authors, and for that I'm sorry. I do hope you like my chapters though. Thanks a bunch for the response to my last chapter; it means a lot to me that people are still here!

I started this chapter just after I updated last, and have had zilch time to get back to it, I'm sorry :(

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada. Zilch. Diddley squat. Not a thing. I do own a ridiculously high pitched impression of The Firm's Star Trekkin', but that doesn't count.

**Chapter 5 – Today, Is About Revenge.**

This was our chance. Well, my chance. I doubt Wolowitz and Koothrapali were going to be much help, but they meant well.

This, was my chance to get Leonard back. For forgetting my soy sauce, and for dating _her_ against my will. The one person I hated, my arch nemesis. Leslie Winkle. She spends so much of her time taunting me, insulting my work. And he let her get away with it. Honestly, she thinks she's so much smarter than me, but she's not. I'm glad they split up. Leonard got what he deserved for acting like a little girl when he was with her. But enough of _her_. She's as out of my life as The Firm are out of the charts. How did they think they could get away with creating such awful music about Star Trek? Nonetheless. That's not what today's all about.

Today, is about revenge.

Getting revenge on my vertically challenged, lactose intolerant roommate. My forgetful little friend.

He asked for this, really. He secretly wanted this. You could tell, by looking in those beady little eyes of his. Sure, the layer of glass helped his 'lovely' facade, helped to shield the world from his true self. Sort of like Spiderman. With his glasses on, he was naive, innocent little Peter Parker, but take those off and replace them with a spider suit, and you see his true self. His glasses act as his shield, just like Leonards.

Petty as I may seem to you, this is a serious matter. Forgetfulness is a fatal character flaw, one which Leonard suffers from more frequently than he would care to realise.

I once said to Dr Stephanie, that I had long ago come to terms with the fact that I was the beta male of the household, however, it was Leonard who appeared to be more of a beta, as opposed to alpha. You see, he is in reality, my inferior, in more ways than one. He succumbs to social expectations of relationships, becoming dependent upon his significant other, whereas I am capable of existing without an "other half". He is shorter than I, and has a far lower IQ than my own. I may not completely understand social interactions, but I aim to improve my knowledge, far different to how Leonard treats his forgetfulness. He simply goes along with it – he makes no attempt to improve his memory, he just lives with it, allows himself to be negatively affected by it.

I should have realised this when he moved in. He may have passed the barriers, but I should have known he was a bad cookie when he made that first joke. I should never have let the good points outweigh the bad; I mean, seriously, he's an _experimental_ physicist, and he jokes, and replaced my furniture, and brought people to the apartment. In hindsight, I see that as 'typical Leonard'.

"We're here." Leonard's words brought me out of my thoughts, and I realised that we had, indeed, pulled up in the parking lot at the paintball range. I got out of the car quickly, and lost myself in my thoughts again as we got ready, double checking the plan in my head.

"Raj! Down!" Howard's voice could be heard across the range. It was meant to be a battle, on your own, basically, but Howard couldn't grasp that, and kept helping out Raj as though they were still teammates. I can assure you I made it perfectly clear that there was no way Leonard and I were teammates, not this time. My first shot out there was aimed at Leonard.

We had been out here for an hour already, yet everyone was still in the game. Howard and Raj were so busy acting like fools they really didn't help me with my plan at all. I knew it was useless bringing them into this. They cause more harm than good most of the time. I knew I was on my own in this, there was only one way to settle it; to plat dirty. And if that's what it took that's what I'd do.

I formed a plan in my head, which seemed easy enough to put into practice, and carried on game play for a little while longer. I waited until Leonard was immersed in taking the terrible two down, and put my plan into action.

"Leonard, help!" I exclaimed, feigning injury.

He instantly rushed over to where I knelt on the floor.

"Sheldon? What did you do? Are you alright?" He rushed the words out so fast I'm surprised it didn't come out all rushed. Perfect. He was worried, he was concerned, he was... vulnerable.

I stopped rocking and slowly looked up at him. "...Bazinga." He stared down at me confused, until a paintball hit him in his front. "Out." I said simply.

Understandably, Leonard was not too pleased with my deception, but he stepped back gracefully, and within the next half-an-hour I had taken down the other two.

"Dude, how do you do this every time?" Raj asked when we were sat in the car, clearly he still can't get his head around the fact that I'm good at this.

"I grew up in East Texas, I learned things." I stated.

"Like what? How to shoot small animals?" Howard scoffed. I turned my head too look at him in the back seat.

"Actually, yes. After the football games, my dad would take me outside; he taught me how to shoot so close to a raccoon that it poops." I explained, "Also, a little fun tit-bit for you, I can also fry meats that aren't chicken, as though they were chicken."

"Dude, you _have_ to teach me that!" Raj exclaimed.

"Shooting raccoons, or chicken fried meats?" I asked. Honestly, these people I call my 'friends' never clear things up properly.

"Can we stop talking about scaring small animals?" Leonard's voice piped up from the seat next to me.

"Of course. Which would you prefer we change the subject to; how you forgot my soy sauce, or how you fell victim to one of my best practical jokes?" I asked. He looked at me briefly, before focusing back on the road. "I pay more attention than you would think." I told him, knowing he would understand what I meant. When we first met, I was incapable of any form of jokes, or sarcasm, or anything else they use; but I've been paying attention. It wasn't very difficult to learn how to use these things properly in interactions, far easier than the time I learned 'slang'.


	6. AN: Read me if you like this story

Hello!

I'm going to be deleting this...  
It **will** be back, as soon as I can get everything written up. But I'm completely rewriting the story.  
Same plotline, hopefully better characterisation. And I'll be changing the narrative style... but it will be back, very soon hopefully. But I'm determined to make it good this time, because I love this story, and TBBT, so I really want to do it justice, and not completely slaughter the characters, like I did when I first wrote this... (or, that's my opinion, anyway.)

If you want to know when it's posted up again, follow me on here. I'll also post a link up on my Twitter when it's posted, Kiki_Jo

Anyhow, I'll see you all on the internet again very soon!

Much love,  
Kiki-Jo xx


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